《我和美国大兵搞基的爱欲纠缠》

我们两个坚持在车里，好一段时间都没有人说话，都在抽泣着。Mike忍不住了，冲着我喊，what the fucXing are you looking for.我说，你是知道WTF I amlooking for.他生气的砸我的车窗。我怒了，冲他喊，stop or get the hell out of my car. 他被我的声音吓了一跳，愣了一下，又开始哭了。喊过之后我居然平静下来，重新启动了车子，开回家去，而Mike还在旁边哽咽，我冲他喊了一句，shut the fucx up。他慢慢的安静下去。一路上并没有什么车，我开的也是飞快，而我其实如同醉酒一样，根本记不清是怎么开会到家的。打开房门，Mike抱住了我，我使劲把他挣开，我说你让我自己待一会儿，你也自己想想我们怎么办吧。他想吻我，我无法挣开他的身体，只好把双唇紧紧的闭上。他很生气，喘着粗气。我还是使劲的睁开了他，进了卧室，反锁上门。我脑袋里面一片混乱。不知道什么时候居然睡着了。再一觉醒来，他也在客厅睡着了。我不会再像以前一样为他盖毯子了。

我想我们毕竟是没有新鲜感了。我已经厌倦了他的身体了。我真的很厌倦这么一个口是心非的人在我的旁边。我醒来就再也睡不着了，可能是时差还没有倒好，也可能是心理面很痛。我给他写了封短信。

Dear Mike,

I really appreciate the great time we had together. It was really amazing and sparkled my life. Maybe I will tell my grandson, or someone close by in 50 years that I had an amazing lover with a great body and a big heart, and his name was Michael XXX. However, I know what I want. I told you at the very beginning that I want monogamy only. I told you I am into a serious relationship, a relationship that involves both of us and that demands loyalty, honest, and mutual contribution. I know this is hard for you, but trust me, it is not easy for me too. I understand, as a guy, we make mistakes inevitably. I know you have hundreds of ways to say how much you love me. However, Mike, I am not a FUXXIng idiot. I am smarter than you think. I found you cheating, and you lost your credit. That is simple. That is basically the rule.Now you don`t have any credit in me. I am afraid that I have to let you go, or degrade our relationship. I see no difference between to be with you and to be with any other FUXXing buddies.

I hope I am dealing this in a grown up way, in a professional way. Since we are not engaged or promised, we don`t have much to lose. I am not afraid of the consequence of the decision I made, since you already made yours at the very beginning of your behavior. I am not disappointed for now, hope I won`t for future, and I hope that applies to you too.

Please pack up your things, and get ready to move in a week. I am moving to other friend`s and I won`t blame you or Mark for keeping this house, but I won`t come back myself. Please take care of yourself and be who you are. I don`t want to change who you are, since I know I cannot change who I am either.

SO I GUESS IT IS OVER NOW.

写下了“SO I GUESS IT IS OVER NOW.”这几个字之后，我有了种痛快淋漓的感觉。并不是出了口恶气，而是一种重获新生的感觉。或许我把Mike描述的太好，或许是我还没有在帖子里面来得及写他的全部，或许是我本来不想写那些不好的，而去珍惜他的好。这不是Mike第一次，第二次，甚至是第三次了。跟Josh被我发现了两次，跟L被我捉奸在床了一次，还有墨西哥大叔告诉我他在gay bar碰见Mike的事故。我之前每次都选择了原谅了他。我想我已经给够了他足够的机会。我不想埋怨谁，可能是缘分没有到吧。也可能我们的爱情保质期已过，是时候寻找新鲜的东西的时刻了。我会把他当做普通的朋友了，或者是炮友了。我不会再傻乎乎的关心他的饮食起居，傻乎乎的爱着他了。或许男人间的爱情本来就应该是这样的。

谢谢大家的留言和对我的关心，但是我去心已决。我有我的道德底线，Mike也是知道的。我永远不会为了获得什么而去出卖我自己，出卖我的灵魂。这是一个全或无的问题。有些事情，有些人一旦错过就不在。即便我再也不会找到一个跟Mike一样优秀的人，我也不会后悔，我不想欺骗自己，也更不想被最亲密的人欺骗。

我想我会一直更着这个帖子吧，毕竟是对一份感情的回忆了，毕竟这段感情也曾经很没好过，曾经是充满希望了。我不知道今天该走向何方。我只求50年后不后悔，因为我坚持自己的原则。如果跟Mike的话，我们只能从头开始了。现在的他我是不会原谅的。你要是问我为什么这么敏感。我会告诉你一个家庭对个人的婚恋观的影响。我很早也告诉Mike，我为什么这么仇恨cheating的。我爸爸在我初中毕业的时候就曾经cheating，找了个小三，老妈曾经闹过，老爸也悬崖勒马，改掉了，因为经济的原因，两个人还是复婚了。但是两个人壮年时期如同行尸走肉一般的婚姻，却是对两个人最大的惩罚。直到时间洗去了一切的痕迹，两个人变老了，才重新的接受了彼此。Mike说他很理解这个，他也曾经说过，一旦我cheating了，他会很难接受我了。我想这也同样适用于他吧。

THE END